We spent four glorious weeks living only a few minutes’ walk from one of the world’s top beaches and it was absolutely, flipping fantastic. The view from our 39th floor balcony was inviting but it came a poor second to the pleasure of diving into this stretch of the South China Sea. Or, as Donald Trump probably calls it, the South American Sea.
Despite a prestigious international reputation, there was no guarantee we would like this particular beach given that different people want different things from a shoreline. Marine biologists, for example, need a beach to have wildlife; people with metal detectors rely on careless tourists; Baywatch fans like a well developed, er, storyline. All we ask for is cleanliness with soft, powdery sand and powerful but non-lethal waves.
Mỹ Khê beach was pretty much perfect. In our month here, we had only a couple of days where we couldn’t swim because the water was too strong. Even then, we had a silver lining in those cloudy days because the temperature fell to the balmy low 20°s, which allowed us to go for lengthier walks around the city and appreciate the sea even more when we got back in.
Niall was with us for the first week and we crammed a whole lot into those seven days. We even joined a gym. The best bit about that was going for a swim in the sea afterwards! Now, when we say ”swim”, we really mean walking out until the waves start to hit you (which wasn’t far at all) and then getting battered about until you couldn’t take any more. That’s one piece of exercise equipment you don’t find on land and I doubt we’d ever get fed up with nature’s watery workout.
There were plenty of lifeguards to keep us safe and they could always fall back on the support of the serene and imposing figure of Lady Buddha. She is 67 metres high (the same size as the Wallace Monument or, if you prefer, about the width of a football pitch) and this Goddess of Mercy is said to empathise with the needs of people throughout the world. We’re sure she has her hands full with local bathers getting unexpectedly smacked across the back of the head by a particularly energetic wave. Her statue is a bit like a giant Polly Pocket as it contains secrets within – 17 floors, each one with 21 Buddha statues.
Sadly, you can’t access these any more so we had to get our steps in by exploring the extensive grounds. These really are charming with so much to catch the eye that we went back again, this time taking a picnic. We’d forgotten about the local monkey bandits, however, and had to eat our lunch cautiously, keeping our eyes peeled in case of attack. We decided not to open our crisps, however, as that would risk too large a food perimeter to defend. Fortunately, we finished our meal in a rush but without incident. It seems Lady Buddha must be a dab hand at fending off the old indigestion too.
At the southern end of the bay lie by the Marble Mountains, five limestone karsts named after five elements: Fire; Water; Earth; Wood; and Metal. I wonder if you can guess which one of these we choose and why. That’s right, Water, of course – because that’s the one that has a lift! There was a surprising amount to see, including Huyen Khong cave with its collapsed ceiling. Gerry didn’t climb down to it, you understand, as the seriously slippery steps may have jeopardised his insurance but he was happy to send Naill and Mhairi instead!
Even further south is the town of Hoi An, about 50 minutes away by taxi or only slightly longer by bus but you could see more from the elevated seats and it cost appreciably less, not that taxis are expensive in Vietnam.
Due to Hoi An’s history and beauty, it is a UNESCO world heritage site but it is also renowned for something more functional: its tailor shops. Mhairi got a couple of pairs of shorts; Niall got a jacket and I got some shirts and shorts. The service was first-rate. We were invited back for a second fitting just three hours later – talk about working at pace! – and they even dropped off an alteration at our apartment in Da Nang 17 miles away to save us coming back.
The most fantastic thing happened during our Da Nang stay. We’d always hoped that the blog would let people know where we were so they could either avoid us or meet up. And, lo and behold, Joanne and Steve Forsythe got in touch to say they were touring through Vietnam at the same time so we arranged to meet up in Hoi An, which fittingly translates as “peaceful meeting place”. The craic was 90 and we were over the moon that the blog worked and we were able to meet up with lovely friends.
We also met Steve and Joanne in Da Nang, at the Le Funky Donkey quiz. We’d been there before with Niall, had won a few rounds and learned the trick was to come second as the first prize cocktail was minging and, to be honest, the vessel it was served in was more appropriate for a hen night!
Slightly inland from Da Nang are the Bà Nà Hills, as surreal a place as you are likely to find anywhere. Reaching them involves a ride on the longest single-rope cable car in the world: it also has the highest elevation between start and end points and some attractive views on the way up. Neither the views nor the record breaking stats impressed Niall though as he was more focussed on the juddering sensation everytime the cable car travelled over the pylons and our height from the ground but he agreed the payoff was worth any discomfort.
Like many colonial administrators, the French had houses built up in the hills to escape the heat of the Asian summer. After these had fallen into disuse, someone had the idea to redesign the location as a “European” theme park, with cobbled streets and all.
It’s just bonkers. There’s a massive German brewery and bierhalle, complete with oompah band: we were given free drinks vouchers on arrival so felt obliged to try several types of beer, which weren’t bad actually.
There’s a mediaeval French village that could be used as a set for Disney’s Beauty and the Beast. There is the Japanese Sun Garden that surrounds a representation of the Louvre. There’s a wax museum, a Jurassic Park world, a spooky house and high-speed slides. The Jardin D’Amour gardens are beautifully maintained and have stunning views back to Da Nang and the sea – once the clouds part!
It is also home to an iconic Vietnamese image, the Golden Bridge, whose architect maintained that the design was to “invoke the sensation of walking along a thread stretching through the hands of God.” Though he left out the bit saying, “Alongside tons of other people taking selfies.” Tourist attractions are busy for a reason, of course.
On one of the days when the sea was red-flagged, we went to the Mikazuki water park instead. It has a slide that uses magnets for a super-fast experience and can take three people at a time. When the operator saw three sizeable westerners approach, he brought out the scales – no hyper slide for us! To be honest, once we saw the extreme speed it went at, we were relieved. 😄
Niall and Mhairi went on the Dragon slide a couple of times and the rainbow LED lights and rush was well worth it, they said. The outdoor lazy river was decent but the highlight of the place was the onsen on the top floor. A constant 38 degrees and we would have fallen asleep if we’d stayed in there much longer.
Vietnam is one of those countries where the expression “pick a lane and stick to it” doesn’t make much sense. Whether in cars, motorbikes or on foot, people seem to improvise their own path and hope for the best. Somehow, it all seems to work. It turns out it’s exactly the same on the river.
Da Nang is known for its Dragon Bridge, which spits fire and water on the weekends. We took a boat trip one evening and the boats were even more interesting than the Dragon! We enjoyed the bizarre sight of a vast swarm of illuminated river boats blasting banging tunes, all filled to the gunnels with camera phone wielding tourists.
The throng of boats warily jostled for the prime position, coming within inches of each other and giving the sensation that you could simply walk from one to the other all the way onto the riverbank.
We loved Da Nang, there’s so much to do that we couldn’t cover it all in this post and, when all else fails, there is one of the finest beaches in the world to enjoy.
Next time, we’re in Ho Chi Minh City, also known as Saigon.
It's a wanderful life, so it is 
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